open thoughts

I am making the realization that there truly is a difference between life-change and transformation.

On January 26 I experienced life change. Last Tuesday Sara and I welcomed our precious daughter Ella into our world and our family. No ifs, ands, or buts about it... Life changed. In a great way I might add. The moment Ella was born I became a dad, a biological dad. See for me that was a life change. I changed from just a husband to a dad as well.

I am realizing, however, that I did not become a father at that moment. Sure maybe in title, but not for real. I am only beginning to realize that I have been and continue to be transformed into a father. As you well know transformation doesn't happen in an instant(as much as my generation has come to expect). Transformation doesn't even happen overnight. Transformation is a a process, an ongoing and active process. It requires time, a good bit of it actually. Quite frankly, I am good with that time requirement.

I am ready to learn along the way. I am prepared for it not to come naturally and that I will have to work for it. I believe I will survive and be the better for it.

I give thanks that fatherhood is not only life-changing but a transformational experience. One that I will cherish forever.

Do you think there is a difference between life-change and transformation? Let me know in the comments.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

The Battle Rages

I haven't written prose in quite a while, this may very well been my last attempt, however, as I was digging through some of my old documents, I stumbled upon this little treasure. It was written almost 2 years ago. I hope some will find encouragement from reading. Grace be with you all.

The Battle Rages

11/12/05

Demons are lurking

Pressing for the moment of attack

With dark ambitions

Evil is their only intent.

Angels encamp around me

Prepared to heal my wounds

Or mount me on eagle’s wings

Their desire and mine is the One’s command

Obedience our only response.

Suffering is upon me

Heavy it weighs upon my soul

I know not the outcome

But I wait upon the Lord

He is my strength, my shield

He will sustain me.

Alas, the battle rages

Torment has just begun

But my soul longs only deeper

For that pure and holy One

I will fight this fight

And run this race

It is only temporal

When I consider the eternal goal.

My heart may be tattered and beaten

My soul my take its wounds

But I will not be defeated

For I know that which stills my soul.

O Victorious Warrior,

Let not my road end here

But allow me grace to travel

Into the Promised Land.

There I will rest

And feast in glory

For I know I will never finish

But the war has been won

I celebrate not my triumph

But the One who conquered all.

When Reality Hits

I feel like everyone I have ever spoken with has these moments, I mean, I hope it's not just me, but you get that overwhelming feeling of reality. You know what I mean... that moment reality plops right down in front of you and smacks you in the face. I have come to realize and embrace that this feeling comes out of nowhere. It's on no timetable. It just happens. Much like that catchy little slogan for feces.

This morning as I was getting ready for the day, it happened. Reality hit. For those of you who missed it Sara and I are going to be parents. January 29, 2010 is the big day. Somewhere near that day and time we will welcome a little person in the world, into our home, and into our family. Here are some of the things that crossed my mind this morning as reality hit me with a left hook:

Alan, you do well to take care of yourself and another human being who is most capable of caring for theirself, what are you going to do with one that relies solely on YOU! I imagined holding this little person in my arms and making the realization that there was an equal part of me and equal part of Sara and yet this little baby would be its own person, wonderfully made weaved together miraclously by the Great Creator and Life Giver (Yahweh). He/She will grow up exceptionally faster than I can imagine. He/she will change the way Sara and I do life together, in the best sense I know. This fragile little being will be our responsibility. What?! God, I know and understand you KNOW everything and order things in such a way that Your will will be accomplished. But...?

Then, I couldn't think of the question I needed or even wanted to ask. The silence fell in my mind. Reality had hit hard and I looked like one of the losers after a UFC fight. Dazed and confused. Wondering where I was and what in the world just happened. Here's the best part though, just as quickly as reality landed its breath-taking blow, peace rushed on me like rain. Yeah maybe it was just being in the shower, but it was a real experience. My mind cleared and I heard a small, still voice say, "You will be okay. As will your child, my child." Yes, that happened this morning.

What I realized in all of this is how thankful I am that the God who orchestrates reality, exists within it to not only empowers us to withstand reality's striking blows, but equips us to live in and through reality. And oh yeah, walks with us all the way. That's what I call AWESOME!!!

Share your Reality hitting moment by leaving a comment.

Loss

As human beings, we understand loss as a certainty. However, we most often experience it as an unwelcome event in our lives. Whether we lose something as simple as a set of keys or the remote control, or even something as major as a loss of a job or family member it is rarely convenient or well accepted. One could say that loss of any kind leaves us undone.

My family currently mourns the loss of a young family member. A tragic loss for us for sure. Oddly, death has the unique power to draw families together even more so than just living. Suddenly, our minds and hearts begin to grasp just how fragile and significant the life is in our current finite state. We realize that now our lives will be different because of the recent loss. The void is real. The pain is felt and shared. The experience grips you. Loss becomes real. We know if only for a brief moment the meaning of being undone. Our hearts... undone. Our minds... undone. Our love... undone. Our pain... undone. Our tears... undone. Our relationship... undone. Yes, in loss we are undone.

Grief and mourning are proper and need to be experienced and processed in a timely fashion. The question I pose: In our undone state, will we be trapped in the loss? Or will we embrace life and the lives around us revealing just how undone we are?

Conversations

Conversations happen all the time. I would not be surprised if they fill every second of the day, everyday. Conversations can be short and sweet, long and drawn out, distasteful, one-sided, encouraging, full and meaningful, uncomfortable, or just plain and simple.
Conversations range from person to person, situation to situation, topic to topic.

My attention turned to conversations this evening as I sat in Taco Bell eating a delightful Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme with Fire sauce. I sat alone in the middle of the eating establishment and listened. Conversations ensued all around me. The creative wheels started spinning. Now, I confess I heard only enough of each conversation to know I did not know enough of the context to assume anything. However, all of sudden I came to a profound realization. Conversations cease to exist without listening. It doesn't matter if no words are spoken, conversation does not happen in the absence of ears. To put it another way, two hydrogen molecules do not make water until combined with oxygen. Ideas, feelings, thoughts, words find no meaning or releavance without an attentive ear. Interestingly enough in our created state we have two ears and one mouth. I'm just saying that's all.

I realized today, there are many people who just do not listen. Perhaps they have a hard time doing so, or maybe unfortunately they just don't care to participate. Listening requires work. It is a labor intensive process. It takes time. Effort must be put forth. Listening may also mean hearing something you don't want to hear, a constant fear, especially when we are honest with ourselves enough to admit what is being said is TRUTH. The truth hurts. Truth attacks pride, our prized possession. Because in moments when we find ourselves not wanting to listen, we know all we have is our pride and we cling to it hard and fast.

Imagine, if you will, if the creation had had the foresight to know what come of it after it was brought into being by the Word (Genesis 1, John 1). Do you think it would have listened and obeyed? Or just slummbered away in the void and darkness? Sure, thats ridiculous right. Creation listened. Then I wonder why its so hard for us to listen to the Word? Is our pride that worth it? Or are we afraid the truth will hurt too much? Stick and stones may break my bones, but the Word can and will heal you. It can and will transform you. It can and will renew you. The truth can and will give you something new and worthy to cling to. But you have to hear it!! Listen.

Reflection on Wall-e

I recently watched the recent Pixar movie, Wall-e. I know I am way behind in my movie watching. I confess up front that I am a sucker when it comes to Pixar films. My imterest with Pixar could be linked to my fascination with Steve Jobs (owns a large share of Pixar and runs Apple), or my creative side tingles when watching great animation and storytelling, or it could simply be I refuse to fully surrender being a kid. Who knows the real reason.

The movie begins with little to no dialogue. But the creative genius used in the film keeps you from even noticing. I found myself completely wrapped up in this little robot who for some odd reason collected odds and ends of garabage. From his robotic perspective the garabage produced an endless realm of treasures.

I can't help but believe Yahweh feels the same about us. Not that creation is garabage, but we've certainly help make it that way. But yet our creator who limited himself to come and clean it up finds earth as a place where his treasures are found. Not just things but beings that fascinate him much like Wall-e's treasures.

The other thing that really got me... Wall-e's desire for relationship. All he wanted (as much as a robot is able to want, go figure) was a touch, a relationship. Wall-e constantly watched a video segment from Hello Dolly, where the couple hold hands. This became his passion, his one desire, his sole purpose. All of sudden, out of no where another robot enters the scene. Just the potential of relationship sent Wall-e into a frenzy. He was as you say, beside himself.

I continued to be amazed when I saw what lengths Wall-e went to to sustain the relationship. You really have to have seen the movie here to understand. Wall-e takes seriously the concept of going the extra mile. The moment Wall-e gets what he wanted an eruption of emotion took place. I thoroughly enjoyed the way Pixar creatively demonstrated pure joy without a single word. Rocked my world for sure.

Now of course the movie points out other issues like responsibility, laziness, and the advancement of technology. Nonetheless, I attached to the underlying stuff as I often do.

If you haven't seen the movie, do so. If you have seen it watch it again or just share your comments. Perhaps one day we will plant pizza plants. Laugh, but I'm serious.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]