The Battle Rages

I haven't written prose in quite a while, this may very well been my last attempt, however, as I was digging through some of my old documents, I stumbled upon this little treasure. It was written almost 2 years ago. I hope some will find encouragement from reading. Grace be with you all.

The Battle Rages

11/12/05

Demons are lurking

Pressing for the moment of attack

With dark ambitions

Evil is their only intent.

Angels encamp around me

Prepared to heal my wounds

Or mount me on eagle’s wings

Their desire and mine is the One’s command

Obedience our only response.

Suffering is upon me

Heavy it weighs upon my soul

I know not the outcome

But I wait upon the Lord

He is my strength, my shield

He will sustain me.

Alas, the battle rages

Torment has just begun

But my soul longs only deeper

For that pure and holy One

I will fight this fight

And run this race

It is only temporal

When I consider the eternal goal.

My heart may be tattered and beaten

My soul my take its wounds

But I will not be defeated

For I know that which stills my soul.

O Victorious Warrior,

Let not my road end here

But allow me grace to travel

Into the Promised Land.

There I will rest

And feast in glory

For I know I will never finish

But the war has been won

I celebrate not my triumph

But the One who conquered all.

The Recent Desert

As one who finds himself undone, I can't help but relate to you this part of my journey. Those of you who know me well, even some who don't know so well, have noticed a distinct change in character for AO. I have been reserved, guarded, and at times unresponsive. I have been physically exhausted and spiritually dry. Emotionally, I have truly felt nothing for months now. Needless to say, I have been miserable.

As Christians, we have a way of talking about our spiritual journey as valley and mountaintop experiences. The past year has been neither. I have been trekking through a desert. The Bible often refers to it as the wilderness. You may recall the Israelites wandered there for 40 years, Jesus himself spent time there. The desert is a wasteland, where one will feel abandoned, restless, and burned out. The sand will rub you raw, the sun will scorch your skin, and the dry air will leave you thirsty. It's no walk in the park, it's a struggle to survive.

I will confess, I have been weak, scared, and down right out of my mind at times. I did not see other footprints in the sand, but yet I know I was never alone, even though I felt that way many times. I do not believe God abandoned me but brought me to the desert for a reason. I needed the reserve pool of past spiritual successes to dry up. I needed to know what it meant to be completely spiritually hungry. I needed to be beat down and wore out. I needed to the old skin to be rubbed away. I needed to know that when there is nothing else, there is always God. I needed a to put everything else aside and rely solely on Him and Christ crucified. I needed renewal, but needed the long, hard road to find it.

I have not yet emerged from the desert, but I do see an oasis up ahead. I do not reset God for dragging me through the desert (mind you I could not say that up until just now). I thank God for knowing what I needed for renewal. There are times in our journey with God that we need to suffer the desert. My time is now. I have a very fresh perspective on the faithfulness of Jesus Christ, His provision, His timing, His call, His kingdom, and the life He gives us. Life with Christ is an adventure, anew everyday. Thank you Jesus, for my recent desert. I am nothing without you. I need you everyday. I am not alone for I could not survive alone. You meet my need and I praise you. You have suffered long with me and for me. I count my suffering as delight in the cause for you Kingdom. Thank you Jesus for counting my life worth it. May your grace and mercy fill my life, to your glory alone. Amen.

Today, at the Bridge, our Lead Pastor, Tim Dunn, brought a challenging message on the real F word (he also wrote about it on his blog: realtimdunn). Let me tell you, I got my face rocked off today...

After walking us thoroughly through Jesus' parable on the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-37, he wrapped up with the following activity (I know engaging his audience, what was he thinking... brilliant!! ): Each person was given a 3x5 index card and a pen. We were instructed to write down an event/a person that we refused to forgive. As if this were not challenging enough, Tim went a step further and asked us to carry that card around with us until we were truly ready to lay down our unforgiveness. Just so you are aware, he didn't mean keep this in your pocket or purse, he meant physically carry it around, like a badge on your sleeve if you. People need to know you harbor unforgiveness... the card should be visible.

Who wants to carry around a 3x5 card all of the time, right? Well, in case you missed it, that was a large part of the point. Bring to your mind how silly it is to continue in resentment and unforgiveness. I confess, as I look at my card right now... it's hard to let go. Part of me wants to hold on to it. So, I can say, "Look what this person did to me! How outrageous!" This person deserves my resentment... besides, they brought it on themselves. This activity stirred up a good deal of emotion for me that I thought I had dealt with appropriately. That little card reminds me even now, how I most certainly have not. I confess, I just as I carry this silly card, I carry unforgiveness. Well, I've had a enough. I'm laying mine down. Stupid card! Stupid unforgiveness! Burdened, no more.

I challenge you to give this little exercise a try. Take a 3x5 card and write down who you harbor unforgiveness towards. Explain why you do, maybe even what happened to bring it about if necessary. You may have more than one instance, write them all down. But be prepared to carry the card until you are truly ready to lay down the burden of unforgiveness, then share you're experience with us. We dedicated a special page at the Bridge's website to celebrate our triumph (only by and through the grace of Jesus Christ of course) share your experience. Lay down the burden of unforgiveness... live free and undone.

Giving My Seconds to God

So, everyone talks about giving God your firsts, your best, your everything... I confess, I struggle with giving God this stuff, I am a selfish and incredibly lazy person. However, this morning I've been challenged to give God something else. Frank C. Laubach in Letters by a Modern Mystic* outlines a process, no an adventure, in giving your seconds to God.

Seconds, do not seem like a lot. And I will be honest giving seconds sounds more doable thangiving God my hours. The challenge is bringing God to mind for at least one second each minute. I don't know about you, but generally speaking if I think of something for one second, that thought has a tendency to linger. Like that stupid song that gets stuck in your head... yeah you know when that one word is said or thought and suddenly you find yourself singing that phrase of song for the next 30 minutes... happens to me all of the time. So, I am praying today that God will be the song that gets stuck in my head and I hope I can't shake it.

I believe this new adventure serves as an answer to my recent struggle. As of late, I have been exceptionally gifted in squandering time as opposed to making time. I could call this problem a whole bunch of things but the simple fact is I've been complacent and lazy. Today, it's time to get to work. Besides, who doesn't love a good adventure. It breaks up the monotony of everyday life. I'm up for that. You?

I am starting my adventure today, I invite you to join me. Let's give our seconds to God. No, not the leftovers, but our seconds. Let it begin with one second of every minute. Think on God, get Him in your mind, and let's pray His being there even for one second stains our thought process all day. I will be sharing my experience of giving my seconds and becoming undone here. Share yours with me here as well... leave comments and let's do this adventure together.

* Letters by a Modern Mystic by Frank C. Laubach. This is one of the books I'm currently processing. It's a small, very digestable book. It highlights the giving God your seconds process but also the journey Frank took during the most lonesome and depressing time of his life... being a missionary. The joy in his life jumps off the pages. Incredible. Pick this little treasure up.

Rethink Discipleship

A sacred part of the Christian faith has become fossilized and dilapidated. The practice of discipleship has all but disappeared or at minimum been buried under the pile of self-help books and personal discovery exercises. I am fearful, we have forgotten that discipleship is even a practice. I mean for most it was something you went to on a Sunday or Wednesday night. It developed into a process, a procedure if you will, and less of an actual living practice. Discipleship got relegated to a room and not lives. I suggest it's time to rethink discipleship.

1. reTHINK discipleship ..: For the longest time, we have made discipleship a personal journey, when indeed discipleship is lived and practiced with in community (aka relationships). It is both vertical (with Christ) and horizontal (with people). Discipleship was never intended to be done alone.

reTHINK where & when discipleship is done ..: move from a designated time and place to more of an organic, everyday occurrence. It can happen in a coffee shop, at the gas station, at work in the break room, in your office, at a party, get this... it can happen where ever you just so happen to be. Oh yeah, you don't have to have "arrived" if you will to disciple. Start the process, grow together. See #3.

2. reTHINK how you disciple ..: Discipleship has been a matter of forming people to act and think a prescribed Christian philosophy. Whereas this is not wrong, we should be making people disciples of Christ, not ourselves or our denominations even.

3. reTHINK who you disciple ..: First be a disciple. Learn from someone... someone who knows the ropes. Invest others as well though. Bring them along for the journey. Jesus called first-class "nobodies" to be his disciples and he entrusted them to be disciple makers. He will give you the tools, the wisdom, the people, and the resources... you need only ask. We are commanded to disciple "all nations..." not the church (this is not a mandate to abandon nor neglect the church, just give the thought proper attention).

I fully believe it is high time to get our minds around the idea of living, personal discipleship. Its not a job, its not a hassle... its a mission. Make your life a life of learning. Be a learner, who doesn't live much less learn in isolation, but actively engages the world, and more importantly makes learners in Christ out of the world.

reTHINK.

Be a friend, be a discipler... offer your discipleship story(s), tips and/or practices by leaving a comment.

The Parables: Work and Whine

In Matthew 20:1-15, Jesus tells the parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard. Quick context, just prior to this parable, the disciples have a few questions for Jesus about "rewards." They have given up so much to follow him, they feel it is only right to receive a great reward. Jesus replies along these lines: The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Then he launches into the parable.

This parable provides clear insight into the problem I mentioned in an earlier post (God's Ridiculous Faithfulness). As the story goes, workers were hired at the beginning of the day and agreed to a set wage. Throughout the day, the owner of the vineyard hires more workers, mid-morning, midday, mid-afternoon, and an hour before close. Those hired last get their wage first and it just so happens they get the same amount as those hired first thing in the morning. Of course the workers who put in a full day do what any other vineyard worker would do... they whine (I can almost imagine the owner saying, "Would you like cheese with that whine?").

It's only logical that the owner would recognize this error and correct it, right? I mean these guys worked all day, the others only a small part. They deserve better. Well in all graciousness, the owner reminds them they had an agreement. He had been generous in holding up his end of the deal. It was his right to deal with the others workers as he saw fit. And he ask them a great question: Do you begrudge my generosity?

Note the owners question. His question put the first workers right in their place. Sure, the reality is the situation didn't make sense, but he had been generous to all the workers. The brilliant question provided the one thing the first workers needed: perspective. That perspective, fair or not, made these first workers realize what they got was equality. And in some cases, like this particular one, equality is not fair. The owner didn't pull a fast one, he simply welcomed them (and us) to the economy of grace... God's ridiculous, radical grace.

I have a question for you: Is equality fair?

God's Ridiculous Faithfulness

I received a call from one my most dear friends, Grant, today. He and I had not talked in several months, so needless to say his call was a pleasant surprise.

As we wrapped up our conversation, I commented to Grant, "Well, God is continually faithful to us, that's just the way He tends to be." Grant cracked back, "Yeah, I've been meaning to discuss that with Him." This started a hilarious stint of random thoughts on the illogical process that is called God's faithfulness:

God, I've spit in your face more times than I care to count and yet you're faithful. I've turned tail and ran the other way more than a 100 times I'm sure and yet you take me back. I've been the prodigal and the son that stayed, but you've always been the faithful, loving father. Would you for just a moment take on my faulted thinking and see it my way. I mean seriously, this is getting ridiculous! It's simply illogical and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

But you know... I just want to say thanks for being soo incredibly illogical.

What part of the silliness of God are you most thankful?