The Recent Desert

As one who finds himself undone, I can't help but relate to you this part of my journey. Those of you who know me well, even some who don't know so well, have noticed a distinct change in character for AO. I have been reserved, guarded, and at times unresponsive. I have been physically exhausted and spiritually dry. Emotionally, I have truly felt nothing for months now. Needless to say, I have been miserable.

As Christians, we have a way of talking about our spiritual journey as valley and mountaintop experiences. The past year has been neither. I have been trekking through a desert. The Bible often refers to it as the wilderness. You may recall the Israelites wandered there for 40 years, Jesus himself spent time there. The desert is a wasteland, where one will feel abandoned, restless, and burned out. The sand will rub you raw, the sun will scorch your skin, and the dry air will leave you thirsty. It's no walk in the park, it's a struggle to survive.

I will confess, I have been weak, scared, and down right out of my mind at times. I did not see other footprints in the sand, but yet I know I was never alone, even though I felt that way many times. I do not believe God abandoned me but brought me to the desert for a reason. I needed the reserve pool of past spiritual successes to dry up. I needed to know what it meant to be completely spiritually hungry. I needed to be beat down and wore out. I needed to the old skin to be rubbed away. I needed to know that when there is nothing else, there is always God. I needed a to put everything else aside and rely solely on Him and Christ crucified. I needed renewal, but needed the long, hard road to find it.

I have not yet emerged from the desert, but I do see an oasis up ahead. I do not reset God for dragging me through the desert (mind you I could not say that up until just now). I thank God for knowing what I needed for renewal. There are times in our journey with God that we need to suffer the desert. My time is now. I have a very fresh perspective on the faithfulness of Jesus Christ, His provision, His timing, His call, His kingdom, and the life He gives us. Life with Christ is an adventure, anew everyday. Thank you Jesus, for my recent desert. I am nothing without you. I need you everyday. I am not alone for I could not survive alone. You meet my need and I praise you. You have suffered long with me and for me. I count my suffering as delight in the cause for you Kingdom. Thank you Jesus for counting my life worth it. May your grace and mercy fill my life, to your glory alone. Amen.

Today, at the Bridge, our Lead Pastor, Tim Dunn, brought a challenging message on the real F word (he also wrote about it on his blog: realtimdunn). Let me tell you, I got my face rocked off today...

After walking us thoroughly through Jesus' parable on the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-37, he wrapped up with the following activity (I know engaging his audience, what was he thinking... brilliant!! ): Each person was given a 3x5 index card and a pen. We were instructed to write down an event/a person that we refused to forgive. As if this were not challenging enough, Tim went a step further and asked us to carry that card around with us until we were truly ready to lay down our unforgiveness. Just so you are aware, he didn't mean keep this in your pocket or purse, he meant physically carry it around, like a badge on your sleeve if you. People need to know you harbor unforgiveness... the card should be visible.

Who wants to carry around a 3x5 card all of the time, right? Well, in case you missed it, that was a large part of the point. Bring to your mind how silly it is to continue in resentment and unforgiveness. I confess, as I look at my card right now... it's hard to let go. Part of me wants to hold on to it. So, I can say, "Look what this person did to me! How outrageous!" This person deserves my resentment... besides, they brought it on themselves. This activity stirred up a good deal of emotion for me that I thought I had dealt with appropriately. That little card reminds me even now, how I most certainly have not. I confess, I just as I carry this silly card, I carry unforgiveness. Well, I've had a enough. I'm laying mine down. Stupid card! Stupid unforgiveness! Burdened, no more.

I challenge you to give this little exercise a try. Take a 3x5 card and write down who you harbor unforgiveness towards. Explain why you do, maybe even what happened to bring it about if necessary. You may have more than one instance, write them all down. But be prepared to carry the card until you are truly ready to lay down the burden of unforgiveness, then share you're experience with us. We dedicated a special page at the Bridge's website to celebrate our triumph (only by and through the grace of Jesus Christ of course) share your experience. Lay down the burden of unforgiveness... live free and undone.

Giving My Seconds to God

So, everyone talks about giving God your firsts, your best, your everything... I confess, I struggle with giving God this stuff, I am a selfish and incredibly lazy person. However, this morning I've been challenged to give God something else. Frank C. Laubach in Letters by a Modern Mystic* outlines a process, no an adventure, in giving your seconds to God.

Seconds, do not seem like a lot. And I will be honest giving seconds sounds more doable thangiving God my hours. The challenge is bringing God to mind for at least one second each minute. I don't know about you, but generally speaking if I think of something for one second, that thought has a tendency to linger. Like that stupid song that gets stuck in your head... yeah you know when that one word is said or thought and suddenly you find yourself singing that phrase of song for the next 30 minutes... happens to me all of the time. So, I am praying today that God will be the song that gets stuck in my head and I hope I can't shake it.

I believe this new adventure serves as an answer to my recent struggle. As of late, I have been exceptionally gifted in squandering time as opposed to making time. I could call this problem a whole bunch of things but the simple fact is I've been complacent and lazy. Today, it's time to get to work. Besides, who doesn't love a good adventure. It breaks up the monotony of everyday life. I'm up for that. You?

I am starting my adventure today, I invite you to join me. Let's give our seconds to God. No, not the leftovers, but our seconds. Let it begin with one second of every minute. Think on God, get Him in your mind, and let's pray His being there even for one second stains our thought process all day. I will be sharing my experience of giving my seconds and becoming undone here. Share yours with me here as well... leave comments and let's do this adventure together.

* Letters by a Modern Mystic by Frank C. Laubach. This is one of the books I'm currently processing. It's a small, very digestable book. It highlights the giving God your seconds process but also the journey Frank took during the most lonesome and depressing time of his life... being a missionary. The joy in his life jumps off the pages. Incredible. Pick this little treasure up.