Saturday, January 31, 2009

Search Me (Part 2)

The most basic way I can explain my experience yesterday is as follows.

I simply prayed three words: God, search me. So you could say God (aka Yahweh) typed my name in the search line at Google and clicked the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button. The top results:

His thoughts of me before the foundations of the earth.
His plan for my life that He has known since before time.
His creating me and my birth.
My life, my heart, my mind, and my strength (oh yeah and my weaknesses).

The crazy part about all of this is he knew I was going to make my search request on that very day at that very moment before He even created me. So, needless to say He came to our meeting yesteday prepared, or would it just be suffice to say omniscient. Either way, He knew my innermost thoughts and shared them with me. Compare it to that moment when you know something and someone else becomes aware that you know and they too know what it is, but you don't want them to know it. Yeah, not a good time. But He was not angry or upset. He calmly laid ME out in front of me and said, "AO, I love you." Now, I remind you, I know ME. I am messed up, screwed up, torn up, beat up, a good for nothing, piece of crap. I am inconsistent, incompentent, insane, and invalid. I am selfish, self-righteous, self-involved, and just plain full of myself. And Yahweh has the audacity to say, "AO, I love you." At that moment, I knew it. Pure truth poured from His mouth. I couldn't argue with it, despite wanting to. I knew I couldn't escape it. His presence and love would follow me. They would be there waiting for me where ever I ran to and remain my constant companions as I ran. What I would want to be a lonely trail, would turn into an adventure in love. My only choice... acceptance. I could not refute the TRUTH.

By acceptance, I mean accepting the truth that Yahweh has, does, and always will love me and accepting the reality of being unconditionally loved. I can accept the truth part, but accepting the reality part remains a challenge. A challenge that I will battle everyday. Remember, I am MESSED UP. Love will make you honest too, by the way.

Truth trashed me right there. Now, I went from messed up to extremely messed up, but in the best way. Love, real love will mess you up. It will get all over you. It will strip down your pride, wipe out your defenses, and leave you vunerable. I confess, there is something about vunerability that brings excitement, humility, and authentic fear (the best kind though). For some Godly reason, I am AO-k with that fact. As a result, my prayer will continue to be: God, search me.

Inspiration for this blog comes from Psalm 139.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Search Me (Part 1)

This morning, during my 10 & 10 (a practice where you take 20 minutes to communicate with Yahweh... 10 minutes talking & 10 minutes listening... it's how a conversation works [Communication 101]) and let me tell you He got all over me. Thankfully. So, I am certain He did nothing more than just turn the faucet on just enough to get a drip ( like you do when it's going to freeze overnight and you don't want the pipes to freeze) but it felt like the force of a fire hydrant. Oh gosh a migthy!! But you want to know the surprising part about the experience, the violent rush ushered in refreshment like jumping into a pool on hot day. As the flood rushed over me, I felt my bitterness, anger, confusion, doubt, guilt, shame, and all my simple AO tom-foolery wash away. As quickly as those conditions washed away, newness came upon me. At that moment, I knew joy, relief, and hope. I still don't have answers to many of my questions but God said, "AO, you don't need them now." Ok, if you say so.

This all started with three simple words, "God, search me." That's right Psalm 139. I will continue this blog later. Here's a teaser... I bet you didn't know God invented Google.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Get the Point, AO

For any of you who question whether or not God still communicates, then let me put your fears at ease. Now please understand that I will be using a great deal of discretion in sharing this story. Those of you familiar with my story will understand, otherwise I just ask that you appreciate the the main point... God gets his point across.

Yesterday (January 28, 2009), I had a first. I had my first drive in real snow and ice. It was awesome. I will attempt to blog about the experience at The Oliver Tale. Nonetheless, I made it to work safely and was greeted at the door by the gracious Jack Craig. He is such an encourager. After a brief meeting with him, I felt it necessary to seek the face of the Lord. So, I took to the discipline of prayer. "Father, what do you want me to do today?" That's all I asked. I listened... nothing. I opened my Bible... nothing. I wanted to hear the small, still voice, but apparently it was a bit too small and still for me at that moment. The sound of my racing heart, raging emotions, and uneasy spirit provided to much distraction. It was getting close to staff meeting, so I trucked off to the rest room. As I returned, I noticed I had mail in my box. I sifted through the two items and something caught my eye. I pulled out a promotional card for who knows what and read the following: Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32. At that moment, I felt God say, "AO, this is my word to you today, my child." I can't even begin to tell you how that rocked my world. It would turn out to be useful. Oh just so you don't think it was a sillly AO thing... later that afternoon, as I was reviewing our Kids Worship material for Sunday, I discovered the key verse to be Ephesians 4:32. NO KIDDING!!! That ate my lunch for sure.

So, I came home early (to beat the White Death) and studied Ephesians 4:32 hard. Now, Ephesians just happens to be my favorite book of the Bible. I know you aren't supposed to have favorites, but it's just raw and real to me. Ephesians is all encompassing, yet simple. Ephesians tells a story that I am play an active part in and I just can't get enough. Ephesians 4:32 brings chapter 4 to a close. It is the lynch pin that holds Paul's teaching on life in the Spirit and being an imitator of God together. The imperative in 4:32 is "be". I know I am get consumed with the "do" and forget about the "be". The text (the Greek text that is) actually indicates that our being is not dependent on us, but some outside force. A force acting out on and in us empowering us to "be". Now, if you just read 4:32 by itself you miss this completely. We can only "be" because of the life we have and live in the Spirit (recall Ephesians 4:3-4 and following).

And Paul seals up his thought so nicely with: just as you have been freely given forgiveness from God in Christ. Paul makes theology simple, but so profound. We have nothing on our own. All that we have whether it be forgiveness, life, breath, gifts, etc. we have because God has given it to us in Christ. Oh thank you Lord for Jesus Christ. Thank you for kindly and calmly making sure I get the point. I get it.

P.S. Yes, God calls me AO.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Change

Dear America,

Today, the long awaited promise of "change" will officially begin tenure. How many times have we heard the campaign slogan of "change"? Countless, I know. But for the first time in history we will have it on day one. How long it will last, we know for sure at least 4 years. But, I would like to challenge us all to take a long hard look at today and the events will transpire.

Whether or not you agree politically with our President elect Barak Obama, you must confess his election to the respected office is a milestone in our American history. Now, sure President elect Obama has a white mother and grew up in surburbia does not take away from his climb to success. I am proud of our nation in giving this man an opportunity. For when you boil it all down, which I myself attempt to do, all you have is a man. He is no more or less a man than I am and for that he deserves my respect, regardless of his skin color. I feel we forget at critical times that we live in a free country where differing viewpoints are not only accepted but encouraged, within reason for sure.

Today, we as Americans must put aside our differences and celebrate a momentous, historical occasion. I hope we can look at January 20, 2009 as a turning point in our country. A day where we let go of the past and continue to move forward to a bright future of change. I do hope and pray that our new President will bring more than just a change in presidents. I know the cards are stacked against him and only our Great God knows President elect Obama has been dealt a most horrible hand to play. But if America hopes to succeed it will not come from throwing another president under the bus. Yes, national media I speak to you as well. We see all to well how overly scrutinizing a President can not only destroy the man, but it can severely damage our nation as a whole. Let's be honest with ourselves, in our current hardship we all need to "change" and get on the same team. I heard President elect Obama say in an interview yesterday, "We all have to chip in." This was as he was painting a dorm room for homeless teenagers.

I do not seek to lift up Barak Obama as a national hero. Our country does not need a hero. We need our nation to be UNITED. We need to join hands and hearts and rise above our plight. I only propose that we give this man, this human being, a fair shot. Again, I do not ask that anyone let go of their principles nor should any of us give him and his staff a get out of jail free card. But I do ask that we, as Americans, "change" as well. Change our hearts toward one another. Change our minds and hearts and begin to make a difference in our homes, in our coummunties, in our states, in our nation, in our world. Let's give "change" a chance. If you want to pro-actively move in the direction of change yourself check out twelvethreeconspiracy.blogspot.com.

The 12:3 Conspiracy is a movement being led by my LEAD Pastor and friend, Jeff Flowers. It is a movement to find ways to be actively involved in real change, not only in your community and beyond, but in your life.

Will you be a conspirator? Will you give "change" a chance? The ball is your court. Don't look back on today as a day you missed your opportunity. Change.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Temptation

Recently, I have been contemplating the often unseeming reality we call relationship. What surprises me most I believe stems from peoples lack of understanding of what a relationship is and how it should function.

I am teaching a class on Wednesday nights about forgiveness. The lesson last week attempted to illustrate what a good, healthy relationship looks like. We discover the perfect example in the Trinity. This will perplex most readers because our normal perception is a hierarchy of authority and power: 1) God, the Father; 2) God, the Son; 3) God, the Holy Spirit. Our minds only process relationships in terms of power. I am willing to proven wrong but I don't believe the Trinity operates underthise same restrictions.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Conversations

Conversations happen all the time. I would not be surprised if they fill every second of the day, everyday. Conversations can be short and sweet, long and drawn out, distasteful, one-sided, encouraging, full and meaningful, uncomfortable, or just plain and simple.
Conversations range from person to person, situation to situation, topic to topic.

My attention turned to conversations this evening as I sat in Taco Bell eating a delightful Spicy Chicken Crunchwrap Supreme with Fire sauce. I sat alone in the middle of the eating establishment and listened. Conversations ensued all around me. The creative wheels started spinning. Now, I confess I heard only enough of each conversation to know I did not know enough of the context to assume anything. However, all of sudden I came to a profound realization. Conversations cease to exist without listening. It doesn't matter if no words are spoken, conversation does not happen in the absence of ears. To put it another way, two hydrogen molecules do not make water until combined with oxygen. Ideas, feelings, thoughts, words find no meaning or releavance without an attentive ear. Interestingly enough in our created state we have two ears and one mouth. I'm just saying that's all.

I realized today, there are many people who just do not listen. Perhaps they have a hard time doing so, or maybe unfortunately they just don't care to participate. Listening requires work. It is a labor intensive process. It takes time. Effort must be put forth. Listening may also mean hearing something you don't want to hear, a constant fear, especially when we are honest with ourselves enough to admit what is being said is TRUTH. The truth hurts. Truth attacks pride, our prized possession. Because in moments when we find ourselves not wanting to listen, we know all we have is our pride and we cling to it hard and fast.

Imagine, if you will, if the creation had had the foresight to know what come of it after it was brought into being by the Word (Genesis 1, John 1). Do you think it would have listened and obeyed? Or just slummbered away in the void and darkness? Sure, thats ridiculous right. Creation listened. Then I wonder why its so hard for us to listen to the Word? Is our pride that worth it? Or are we afraid the truth will hurt too much? Stick and stones may break my bones, but the Word can and will heal you. It can and will transform you. It can and will renew you. The truth can and will give you something new and worthy to cling to. But you have to hear it!! Listen.

Reaction to Valkyrie

I am challenged. The message proclaimed boldly in the film Valkyrie has continued to eat away at me since viewing the film. I may not agree with the casting for the film, but the story gets me. Actually, the story gets all over me. We're talking ROCKS MY FACE OFF.

So, what's so intriguing about a historical film? Good question, I am glad you asked. First of all, you have a country in turmoil. One man dictates everything, yeah you know your history, Adolf Hitler. A pitiful excuse for a human being but a powerful example of leadership, even if it is leadership gone wrong. Nonetheless, the part that gets me...

A sect of people who remain loyal to sacred Germany, continue to question the leadership and direction of Hitler. They respect his position, but fear his power has taken himself and their beloved country in a turn for the worse. Needless to say, the people found themselves dissatisfied with the current leadership and situation. Their resolution... ACT. Each participant in the plan to overthrow Hitler is fully aware of what failure means... immediate death. The challenge presents insurmountable odds and an unlikely affirmative outcome. They all realize to act on what they think (and believe) results in treason and makes them bonafide traitors. But they act anyway!!! They execute their plan and it appears to be working. All is going according to plan until the tide turns. Failure on their part not to act immediately on each part of the plan led to disaster. The men whose loyality to German ran soul deep found themselves not being hoisted up on shoulder as heros, but as the showcase of a firing squad. "Look them in the eyes... they will remember you," is the faithful's final advice and battle cry. Now that's heroism!

But imagine for a moment, if you will, their dilemma. Which brings more disrespect? Honoring your country at the expsense of your authority or honoring your ruler at the expsense of your honor and the honor for your country? Yeah, I wonder if followers of Christ believe with that much conviction. Would we take the risk? What if doing the right thing meant acting in a way that seemed out of place and would cost you everything? Would you be willing to do the right thing even if you knew you would fail? Does the Lord call us to fail sometimes? Or is it simply a matter of being a obedient at each step of the plan and acting willingly and unashamedly at each task? Will we do our part when called upon no matter how much it cost? Ask yourself the hard question when it comes to accountability and your responsibility in it... Will I do the right thing, REGARDLESS, or will I take the easy way out, give in and give up?

The decision is yours. Choose wisely.

"Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16 (ESV)

Friday, January 2, 2009

Reflection on Wall-e

I recently watched the recent Pixar movie, Wall-e. I know I am way behind in my movie watching. I confess up front that I am a sucker when it comes to Pixar films. My imterest with Pixar could be linked to my fascination with Steve Jobs (owns a large share of Pixar and runs Apple), or my creative side tingles when watching great animation and storytelling, or it could simply be I refuse to fully surrender being a kid. Who knows the real reason.

The movie begins with little to no dialogue. But the creative genius used in the film keeps you from even noticing. I found myself completely wrapped up in this little robot who for some odd reason collected odds and ends of garabage. From his robotic perspective the garabage produced an endless realm of treasures.

I can't help but believe Yahweh feels the same about us. Not that creation is garabage, but we've certainly help make it that way. But yet our creator who limited himself to come and clean it up finds earth as a place where his treasures are found. Not just things but beings that fascinate him much like Wall-e's treasures.

The other thing that really got me... Wall-e's desire for relationship. All he wanted (as much as a robot is able to want, go figure) was a touch, a relationship. Wall-e constantly watched a video segment from Hello Dolly, where the couple hold hands. This became his passion, his one desire, his sole purpose. All of sudden, out of no where another robot enters the scene. Just the potential of relationship sent Wall-e into a frenzy. He was as you say, beside himself.

I continued to be amazed when I saw what lengths Wall-e went to to sustain the relationship. You really have to have seen the movie here to understand. Wall-e takes seriously the concept of going the extra mile. The moment Wall-e gets what he wanted an eruption of emotion took place. I thoroughly enjoyed the way Pixar creatively demonstrated pure joy without a single word. Rocked my world for sure.

Now of course the movie points out other issues like responsibility, laziness, and the advancement of technology. Nonetheless, I attached to the underlying stuff as I often do.

If you haven't seen the movie, do so. If you have seen it watch it again or just share your comments. Perhaps one day we will plant pizza plants. Laugh, but I'm serious.

Resolutions

About resolutions... Resolutions and I go way back. That's right all the way back to last year. As I reflect on the resolutions I made just last year, I can verify that I followed through on one. Now, of the three I made that's pretty spectacular. In baseball terms, that means I hit for an average of .333. That's a solid year. But it's not perfect. What's the problem?

Well, I have decided that perhaps I make too many resolutions. I know, three doesn't sound like an overwhelming task, but when you compound three resolutions over the span of a year... well it gets difficult. So, I am resolving to only have one resolution. I figure only having one resolution increases my probability of success. But it also increases my chances at failure. However, I hear the encouraging words of my mentor resounding in the background... DO NOT FEAR FAILURE. These words come from a man who does not fear failure. He recently uprooted his family and moved them several hundred miles north. He left extended family, friends, security, community, and a way of life to follow in obedience to the call and cause of Christ. I believe its safe to take his advice.

All that to bring me to my resolution. In 2009, I resolve to be intentional. I will intentionally annoy my mother-in-law (j/k). Seriously, I will intentionally hope. I will intentionally love. I will intentionally live. I will intentionally try. I will intentionally work hard. I will intentionally forgive. I will intentionally listen. I will intentionally read. I will intentionally learn. I will intentionally be bold. I will intentionally be... AO.

Here's to a year of intentional success. Grace be with you all.